Today was a day for small victories, as the title implies. Small victories are important, though. Sure, the big ones are fantastic and exhilarating. However, it’s the small ones that keep you going when you’re frustrated, or when you’re just about to give up. I’d say they’re almost more important, because they help keep you going, and help you realize that yes, you really can do it.

The first victory, and most important one to me at the moment, was that I was working on a project at work today that had three boxes that were structured exactly the same, just with different information and colors. I had originally written out the code to be very repetitive. I should add here that I develop in WordPress primarily, and almost exclusively at the moment (yes, I will build my own theme for this site eventually). So, when I structure a page in a site, I’m pulling info from the admin onto the page (very simple explanation). I originally wrote out the PHP/HTML to be repetitive instead of looping it, because it was easier and I was already going over quote for the page as it was. Friday, I just couldn’t deal with my bad code anymore and decided to take the time to re-write it as a loop. Now, that sounds simple. For someone who doesn’t do programming as their primary job, I’m a front end developer, even though I got started in programming, it was a big frickin’ deal that I got it all working today. I had to pull info from multiple fields in three separate admin boxes, build some arrays, loop them out into three separate boxes, and each box also has unique links that are added in the admin, and there can be as many or as few as the user wants. So, I was pulling a lot of information, and doing a loop within a loop. I got really close to finishing it Friday, but I needed to get home, so I put the rest off to this morning. I got really close to giving up, because I was having a bit of trouble figuring the inner loop since I was accessing arrays within arrays inside of a loop within a loop. But, I did it!! I frickin’ did it, and it was glorious. I needed that.

Why did I need that? Because I’ve been feeling imposter syndrome hardcore lately, and let me tell you, it is an absolutely terrible feeling, and I think I really upset the people I care about when I just refuse to believe when they tell me I don’t suck. Imagine, if you haven’t experienced it, being at your job that you really enjoy and really care about, and feeling like you suck at it, that you somehow tricked your way into your job, that your boss will find out how terrible you are and fire you, and that you will never be good at this thing that you enjoy doing so much. It’s awful, and I don’t wish it on anyone. So, this is why I say that small victories are so important. I so desperately needed that little victory this morning, and it was enough to make me feel so great that I shouted with excitement, did a little happy dance, and made my friend come look at it because I was so proud of myself. That moment is what I need to remember next time I’m feeling so incredibly down about my abilities.

On an only somewhat unrelated note, Bobby and I had our very first session with our personal trainer today. It was hard, but it was really good. I did assisted pull-ups (I’ve never been able to do any pull-ups, the goal is to eventually not need to use a machine), and even though I had terrible form and had to modify my last 2 sets, I did 3 sets of 10 push-ups. I’ve never had any significant upper body strength. Again, even though it wasn’t great, it was a small victory. It made me realize that eventually, I won’t need to do modified push-ups, and that I can work up to unassisted pull-ups. It gave me goals. I finally got to do some kettle bell workouts, and some different weighted squats. My legs are jelly, but I feel happy. It’ll feel so great to be back in shape again. I’m a small person, and I can run and cycle, but I need to build muscle to truly be in shape. Our trainer is so awesome that he’s helping us adjust our diets and told us we can text him whenever we have questions. I have a great feeling about this step in our journey.

We’ve capped the night with a delicious dinner, time with our wonderful, hilarious child, a bit of housework, and some relaxing time. I hope I get some time to knit tonight, but I’d settle for some reading.

I guess, in closing, take the small victories and internalize them, because they’re an important part of your happiness. Tell people about them, write about them, remember them when you’re having a bad day. I’m not typically great at it, but I’m going to try to take my own advice here, because I think it’s one thing that will help battle the days that I’m frustrated, or down, or just feeling like I can’t win. The truth is, I can win, you can win, we all just have to remember that on the bad days.